It’s the time when there’s a bumper crop of TV and online festive promos from big brands hoping to grab your attention, and your hard-earned money. But are any of them actually good?
We watched them all so you don’t have to – so grab yourself a mince pie and a tub of Celebrations, as we give you the run-down on 2024’s festive fare.
Aldi
It’s the return of the Orange One (no, not him…) as Kevin the Carrot is back for what seems like the 10th year running, this time in a Mission Impossible themed animated caper.
Kev’s mission is to recover the Christmas Spirit which has gone missing (it’s not clear why). Several crowbarred-in rhyming couplets, some CGI-filled adventures and a mildly amusing bottom joke later, everything is back as it should be, with the table festooned with budget-friendly goodies.
It’s all fine, and kids might like it, but maybe it’s time to move on.
Polymedia verdict: Kevin’s starting to lose his a-peel.
Amazon
Seemingly inspired by the X Factor, the online retailer everybody hates but uses anyway tells the tale of a hotel caretaker who secretly has a nice singing voice.
When he’s overheard trilling the Burt Bacharach classic “What the World Needs Now is Love”, his over-sentimental colleagues order him a quickly-delivered showbiz jacket and shove him on stage to sing for them.
God knows who’s looking after the guests while all that’s going on, or who on the entire planet needs to be reminded about Amazon, but it does what it does pretty well. Doesn’t really bear repeat viewings, though.
Polymedia verdict: More Steve Brookstein than Leona Lewis – but just about makes it to the next round.
Argos
We’d almost completely forgotten Argos was a thing, as these days they are shoved in the back of your local Big Sainsbury’s where they languish, mostly empty.
Back in the day, the Argos catalogue WAS Christmas, packed full of toys, gadgets and gizmos with the page left open where you hoped mum and dad would find it and get the hint.
We’re talking about all this because we can’t bear to discuss the advert, which abuses T-Rex’s 20th Century Boy by using it as the soundtrack to sell some kind of guitar-playing dinosaur toy.
If you hear reports of odd noises around Golders Green Crematorium, that’ll be Marc Bolan spinning in his grave.
Polymedia verdict: A catalogue of catastrophe.
Asda
Some of us are recovering journalists, so we LOVE a pun at Polymedia – and there are loads in this cheery gnome-based tale.
Two Asda employees are in a pickle as they’ve got to get the shop Christmassed up, but the roads are closed so the decorations haven’t turned up.
An army of helpful gnomes swoop in to save the day, deciding it’s time to “go big or go gnome” and get the store looking fabulous to the sound of Chris Rea’s “Driving Gnome for Christmas”.
The little helpers are a bit creepy-looking, but last year’s Asda ad featured Michael Buble, so this is a definite improvement.
Polymedia verdict: It’s gnome contest – this one is punderful.
Debenhams
Wait, is Debenhams still open? Well, sort of – these days the once dominant town centre brand is internet only, claiming to be “Britain’s online department store”.
The ad reminds us that it’s available for those who struggle with High Street shopping and features some well-known celebs, including Liz Hurley in a glitzy green frock.
However, it all feels a bit low budget and desperate. The slogan “Duh, Debenhams” doesn’t really make us feel warm and fuzzy either.
Polymedia verdict: Duh. It’s a no.
Lidl
Another one that seems to pin its hope on rhyme to make us have a festive time, this sees a little girl given the power to conjure up festive wishes.
After experiments in creating various Christmas foodstuffs and a frankly terrifying live giant gingerbread man, she realises what Christmas is all about and magics up a toy for a boy in need.
It’s all to support Lidl’s Toy Bank initiative, so we shouldn’t really be too mean about it (but we are anyway).
Polymedia verdict: Bit of a bore, but gets away with it thanks to the charity angle.
John Lewis
Well, here’s a real Christmas surprise – this year there’s no twee cover version, no cutesy toy, and it’s actually about Christmas shopping.
Two sisters are out looking for gifts, and one has yet to buy for the other. She disappears into a Narnia-like rack of dresses and is taken down memory lane to key moments in their relationship.
Set to The Verve’s 1990s classic Sonnet, it hits a whole sleigh-full of key messages – we see a range of John Lewis products, there’s something new to spot each time you rewatch, and it reminds us that it’s special to pick out the perfect present for a loved one. A long way from the creepy old man in the moon!
Polymedia verdict: Finally, John Lewis has brought the verve back to its Christmas campaigns.
M&S
Sometimes retailers forget the true meaning of Christmas, which, of course, is to get us all to spend as much dosh as we can.
Marks and Sparks never lose sight of this, so this ad focuses on a young girl who livens up a dull family day by using a magic snow globe to whizz up baubles, dancers, and a crew of immaculately turned-out models wearing what seems like the full M&S clothing range.
Cynicism aside, it’s quite fun, it’s got a catchy tune and actually feels festive, which is a big plus.
Polymedia verdict: Not quite top Marks, but definitely one of the better offerings.
Sainsbury’s
The supermarket stalwart goes big (and friendly) this year by recruiting Roald Dahl’s BFG to help out with the Christmas shopping.
The massive-eared CGI giant takes a tour of the UK, gathering products, spewing made-up words like “phizzwizzling” and “delumptious” before turning them into a festive spread in his cave.
A too-loud orchestra threatens to drown out proceedings all the way through, in case you weren’t feeling bombarded enough.
Polymedia verdict: Nice try, but doesn’t create enough big fuzzy feelings to tickle our festive snozzcumbers.
TK Maxx
Last year, TK Maxx’s “Festive Farm” was a surprise hit, so they’ve gone for it again in 2024, bringing back a nattily-attired alpaca, duck, goat and hedgehog to the tune of that festive classic, er… Let Me Blow Your Mind by Eve and Gwen Stefani.
Like most sequels, this turned out to be not quite as good as the original, but presumably saved on the creative budget which is very on-brand.
Polymedia verdict: We’re suckers for an alpaca, so we’ll let this slide – but new ideas next year, please.
Waitrose
A family gathers for Christmas, but someone’s nicked the festive dessert, so there’s a series of intense interrogations to try to find out whodunnit.
The twist here is that everyone in this ad is a TV star, and the fun comes from spotting who’s who as each suspect gets a grilling.
Succession’s Matthew Macfadyen is chief investigator in a really showbizzy affair, but the real star of the show remains the delicious food they’re fighting over. This made us feel amused, festive, and hungry all at the same time – marvellous work.
Polymedia verdict: A starry starry delight.
